The typical story about kids growing up—especially through the teenage years—is that it’s going to be tough, but in the end, they will be fine.
Retired pediatrician and former associate dean of a medical school Stuart Slavin disagrees. The Santa Fe-based author of The Success Trap: How the Pressure to Stand Out Is Fueling Anxiety, Depression, and Burnout in Teens—and the Fundamental Fix They Deserve (Ten Speed Press, 2026) said stressed kids’ “brains are being wired in ways that are going to make them much more vulnerable as adults to later mental health issues.”
So, the question Slavin has been asking himself since seeing his own daughters through their school years is how to better support kids.
“If your kid is at a school that is trying to be high achieving,” said Slavin, “it is very likely that they've created a culture and the community has created a culture: It's not just the schools that’s contributing in significant ways to this problem.”
The problem, particularly, is that kids end up judging themselves based on how well they perform. But it’s not always possible to reduce homework, cut down on the number of extra-curricular activities, or take fewer standardized tests.
In extreme cases, that self-judgement about performance can lead to mental health crises. Slavin said the number of such extreme mental health crises – as measured by visits to the emergency room – coincide with the school year, rising dramatically when school is in session and falling during school breaks.
“So, there is something going on at a national level,” said Slavin, “that is contributing to the stress that kids are facing.”
To reduce that stress, Slavin said what works is to try to separate the kid from the performance. So, the grade, the test score—whatever the performance measure—is not the kid, nor is it a measure of their value. “These are just stories in your head you’re telling yourself,” said Slavin, “and they’re not accurate.”
So parents, teachers, the whole community—and kids themselves can tell better stories about their worth.
This is not a simple fix, though. Slavin said it can take significant work with a medical specialist—such as a cognitive behavioral therapist—to even become aware of damaging stories we tell ourselves.
But, as a 2024 report from the U.S. Surgeon General advises, there are also plenty of policy changes that could be made by employers, and also made at the local, state, tribal, and national levels to give both parents and other caregivers more support. For example, policies that help secure the basics—food, clothing, and shelter—are essential. Because no story we might tell ourselves makes up for the stress of basic insecurity.
